How Gaslighting Fuels Irrational Beliefs and what to do about it
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of psychological manipulation, designed to make you doubt your own perceptions, memories, and even sanity. When someone gaslights you—whether it’s a manager, colleague, or even a friend—they subtly (or overtly) distort reality to control the narrative. Over time, this fuels deeply irrational beliefs that shape how you see yourself and the world. Recognizing these irrational beliefs is crucial to breaking free from manipulation and reclaiming your confidence.
How Gaslighting Fuels Irrational Beliefs
Gaslighting erodes your self trust, making it easier for irrational beliefs to take hold. Here are some common ways gaslighting leads to distorted thinking:
- You believe you are always wrong.
A gaslighter constantly contradicts your reality, leading you to assume that if there’s a disagreement, you must be mistaken. This can result in the irrational belief, “I must be wrong unless others confirm my perspective.”
- You think you are overly sensitive or incapable.
Gaslighters often say, “You’re too emotional,” or “You’re overreacting.” This leads to the belief, “If I feel hurt or uncomfortable, it must be my fault.”
- You feel powerless and unable to trust yourself.
If someone repeatedly tells you that your memories are incorrect or your concerns are invalid, you may develop the belief, “I can’t trust my own judgment, so I need others to tell me what’s real.”
Identifying Gaslighting and the Irrational Beliefs It Creates
To counteract gaslighting, you need to recognise both the tactics being used against you and the irrational beliefs that follow. Here are key signs:
- Repeatedly second-guessing yourself – Do you often feel unsure about things you previously knew with certainty?
- Feeling guilty for expressing concerns – Do you hesitate to speak up because you’ve been told you’re overreacting?
- Apologising excessively – Do you find yourself apologising for things that aren’t your fault?
- Dismissing your own emotions – Do you tell yourself that your feelings don’t matter or that you’re just being too sensitive?
Breaking Free from Gaslighting
Sarah, a skilled project manager, began working under a new boss, Mark. Initially, Mark praised her work, but over time, his comments became undermining. He’d tell her, “I never said that,” when she referenced past conversations, or “You need to be more confident,” after making her doubt herself. When she pointed out inconsistencies in his instructions, he’d respond, “You always get confused.”
Sarah started believing that she was incompetent. She hesitated to make decisions, fearing she’d get them wrong. It wasn’t until she confided in a trusted colleague who validated her concerns that she realised she was being gaslighted. With this awareness, she used Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) techniques to challenge her irrational beliefs. She asked herself:
- Is it true that I’m incompetent, or is this a manipulation tactic?
- Does it logically follow that one person’s criticism defines my abilities?
- Is this belief helping me, or is it keeping me stuck in self-doubt?
By reframing these thoughts, Sarah gradually rebuilt her confidence and set boundaries with Mark, refusing to internalise his distortions.
How to Challenge Irrational Beliefs from Gaslighting
If you suspect you’ve been gaslighted, use these REBT-inspired questions to disrupt irrational thinking:
- Is this belief true? – Seek evidence outside the gaslighter’s influence. Consult trusted colleagues, friends, or written records.
- Does this belief logically follow? – Just because someone says you’re “too sensitive” doesn’t mean your emotions are invalid.
- Is this belief helping me? – If a belief leads to self-doubt and anxiety, it’s time to reframe it into a more empowering perspective.
Reclaim Your Reality
Gaslighting is designed to erode your sense of self, but recognising its effects is the first step to breaking free. By identifying the irrational beliefs it fosters and challenging them with logic and evidence, you can reclaim your confidence and trust in your own reality. No one else gets to define your truth—only you do.
